I need some SERIOUS advice/words of encouragement?

ok so i am currently 30 weeks pregnant. my husband lost his job a couple of week back and has not been able to find work as of yet. i am on bedrest due to preterm labor so i cannot participate in our income right now. money was already REALLY tight for us. we have a 3 year old already and we are coming to realize that we may not be able to properly provide for our new baby. we live in a one bedroom aprtment only and cannot afford anything bigger. we already struggle to make ends meet and to feed and clothe the son we already have. i love my new lil baby more than life itself and thought that we could do this but as i get closer to me due date i am realizing that we cant! i really want the best for my baby and want him to have a good life. i am literally crying my eyes out right now as i am typing this and am considering adoption. it hurts me to even say that and i feel like such a horrible mother! i love him sooooo much but i want what is best for him, and unfortunately it doesnt look like i am it! i am deeply hurt and depressed and i am coming here for advice on what to do/where to start because i really have no clue how adoption works or where i should even start. if anyone has advice that would be wonderful and please dont judge me i already feel horrible enough as it is. thanks so muchI need some SERIOUS advice/words of encouragement?
Listen to yourself. You are already in a state of panic at the THOUGHT of giving him up. Can you imagine what it will be like to actually give him up. It will only be worse. What will you tell his 3 year old brother? And what will you tell your son? He will always wonder why he wasn't good enough to be your son. No matter how you try, he will have a difficult time accepting that you loved him so much you gave him away. This little guy is part of your family. Families stick together through good times and bad. If you want what is best for him you need to give him YOU.I need some SERIOUS advice/words of encouragement?
Your not a horrible mother, and most certainly you are not failing your children because things are difficult right now. I know it's easy for me to say what your family is going through is only temporary. But it is, it's not forever, and things do change and will change in a moments time.


As for adoption, it is permanent and so is the life-long suffering of losing your child.
Government assistance exists to help families who need it. You need help.





Get the benefits/help. Don't give away your child.





Adoption is also a government program. The government has no interest in your family once you give up your baby. You won't have any rights and your child will no longer have any legal connection to you or to your other child.
Katie,


I am so sorry to hear the situtation you are in. It must be hard, but remember you need to stay strong. I would be happy to help you find assistance on which ever path you choose for your baby. If you would like to email me, soontobeself@yahoo.com I would be happy to help.
i'd have to suggest you seek government assistance. its less stressful for you and your children instead of going through the hassle of an abortion or adoption process. plus you love your children dont you?
You can always get government assitance as horrible as that sounds. But for the time being you do need the help in raising your family.
Do you have any family members who could help you out?


There are places that give away free diapers and things like that.


There are plenty of ways you can make this work.
It doesn't take money to love your child and treat them well. These are hard times for lots of people, but in your heart you know you want your child. My mom (not pregnant, God help me if she was) has also just fallen on the hard times of this economy and is currently (and temporarily) living with us. We are there to help her get back of her feet. Is there anyone if your life who can assist with support for you. Maybe someone who can babysit while you work? Can you move the budget around?





But man you are not a horrible mother you are someone having a hard time. We have all been there.





I know a family who didn't believe in waiting until they had money to raise a family and boom boom boom ahd there two boys. They raised them on an income of 20-30K, and I have never seen a happier family.





Email me if you want to chat more, and I try to live by the motto: This too shall pass.





If someone was thinking of suicide I would say to them it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This can be said too of some adoptions. You can do this, you just need to breathe, calm down, treat yourself good, and start doing some creative thinking about how you can make this work for you.
I'm so sorry. I know, from experience, some of what you are facing right now.





Adoption, I know, sometimes feels like the answer when the desperation is so overwhelming. Many mothers before you have been there and faced the same fears and uncertainty. But, what so many of us never realized was that the situation we were facing were temporary while adoption is permanent.





Please seek help for yourself and both your children. That is what it is there for and there is so much more available outside of just the government programs that exist. Please feel free to email me here through yahoo and I will help you locate help in your area.





That loss you are already feeling with just the thought of losing your child to adoption, never goes away and, more than likely, will grow even stronger and more painful as the years pass by.





You are already a good mother to your first child. You will be a good mother to this child as well. So many people hit hard times in their life where they need some help and support to keep them going. That is all you are facing right now. A time to reach out for some help through the programs that are designed to give you just that.





But, please do not let this convince you that you will in any way be less of a mother to your child. Your child needs you. He or she deserves to be with his or her mother and father and sibling.





Being wealthier, married, successful, etc . . . does not make a good parent. You make a good parent just by the very fact you are already worrying about what is best for your child. That is what I hope you will see and understand.





NOBODY will ever be able to give your child the life you want for him or her, expect for you.
You won't be on bed rest forever.





He'll get a job.





This is TEMPORARY. Adoption is permenent.





How would you feel if you husband gets a great job the day after you sign away your baby?





Hang in there. Stop crying. Wrap 1 arm around your 3 year old, and the other around your baby bump and repeat after me...





THIS TOO WILL PASS


THIS TOO WILL PASS


THIS TOO WILL PASS





When your husband comes home, make him rub your feet and chant with you...





THIS TOO WILL PASS!





Also...


THIS situation is exactly what government assistance was made for. Emergency help for families that is temporary to help them over a ';rough patch';.





You aren't a bad person for taking help when you need it.





If the situation was reversed, and your friend was going through this, wouldn't you help?


Haven't you donated to charity in the past?





Well, now's your opportunity for others to help you.
I had a friend in the same boat. Her husband couldnt find work anywhere. He ended up joing the armed forces and now they have a comfortable home and insurance. Its not the life for everyone but if adoption is to painful maybe that could be worth looking into. They also gave him a sign on bonus. So sorry hope things turn around for you.
Hi,


I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this! You mention that you already, ';feel horrible enough as it is';. Don't. You sound like an EXCELLENT mother that is doing the best she get and one that unforutnatly, is at a crossroads. There are a few things you can consider:





1) Public Assistance. It's there to help people in situation just like yours. Consider contacting them.





2) Having a family member help support the baby until thing straighten out for you.





3). Adoption.





With adoption, be careful of the agencies as they sometimes try to push mothers into giving up their babies. In many ways it can be an industry. At the end of the day you have to look into your heart and decide what is best for you and your children.





My husband and I are currently looking to adopt and have found that there are goods and bads to the process. Many mothers that give their children for adoption are doing so to provide them with more stability. Consider looking through your local church etc., before going to an agency. Should you decide on an agency, call around and make sure they'll let you have a hand in who is picked for your child (and how much openess you want--yearly updates etc).





Take your time and weigh all your options before making a decision. I'm sure you'lll choose what's best for all involved.
adoption is a last resort for parents who are not able to love their kids and who will be putting their kids in danger by keeping them. this doesn't sound like you. being poor is hard, but it's not going to be permanant. you are considering a permanent solution to a temporary problem. you need to get help somewhere but your child only has one real mother and that is you. there are services in place to help families in your situation. move in with your parents or in laws if you have to, until the two of you can get on your feet. maybe there is a local church that can help you out along with social services, get food stamps. whatever you have to do, do it. the recession won't last forever. i wouldn't consider adoption for poverty unless you are planning to take up permanant residence in a cardboard box.
As diffucult as things seem now, heep your head up! This baby was created with love and no matter what you choose, as a parent when the time comes...your choice will be the right one. Think of the future for your children. Children, espically babies need alot of stuff, but they need love the most! If you can spare enough love, you will make it just fine. My husband and i live in a 1 bedroom appartment with our 8 month old. He was laid off 2 weeks ago, i know how you feel. As long as my daughter has what she needs im happy going without.
Well, I am sorry for your situation. Hopefully, your husband will find a job soon and once you deliver + 6weeks you can get a job or go back to the one you had. Use Social Services, that is exactly why they are there. You have paid into these programs while working. They also have grant available to people who are laid off to retrain them in a high demand job, look into it at the Labor Dept.
How can anyone judge such a heartfelt plea for help. You are considering a loving thing...despite the pain. Please visit the Canadaadopts.com site to get great information about all of this but we are also listed there under the Parent Registry. We are Lynn and Richard. Please feel free to learn about us and our adopted son Matthew. You can contact us directly at northpoll@shaw.ca or through Joanne Conlin, our practitioner. She is amazing. It's all on the site. Good luck to you and stay strong. A good mother walks through pain to provide for her child. You are a good mother. BTW...we have an open adoption with our son's birth mother, including visits once a year and emails too. It can be done with love if you feel it's what you want to do.